As K. K. Nambiar’s devotion to Bhagavan deepened, the emphasis of his spiritual life gradually shifted from ritual worship towards the conviction that God dwells within the Heart. Bhagavan’s guidance seemed to accompany Nambiar everywhere. We saw last time how during a dangerous crossing of a flooded causeway, Nambiar inwardly invoked Bhagavan and crossed safely. Later, dreams appeared to anticipate important events, including the correction of an engineering error and an unexpected transfer to Madras, where he would serve for the next fifteen years. Nambiar increasingly interpreted these events as signs of Bhagavan’s grace.

We read in the last issue the story about a playful “wager” over whether Bhagavan would assist him with a suitable train accommodation and the unusual discovery of an empty first-class carriage.

We read about how his foreign deputation in 1946 led him to England where he met the elderly devotee Mrs. Victoria Doe, whose intense love for Bhagavan deeply moved him. In California he visited Eleanor Pauline Noye, with whom he experienced a powerful sense of Bhagavan’s presence despite being thousands of miles from Tiruvannamalai. Striking was the chance meeting with Aurobindo Bose in a New York hotel, which for Nambiar was yet another instance of Bhagavan’s guidance.

Through all these experiences, one conviction steadily matured: Bhagavan was not confined to his physical form. His true dwelling place was the Heart of the devotee. Let us continue our account.

A Gramophone Record from Chicago

While in Chicago in September 1946, Nambiar recorded four Sanskrit slokas in praise of Bhagavan on a gramophone disc and mailed it to Sri Ramanasramam. At the same time, he sent another recording to his wife and children in Madras. Strangely, the record addressed to the Ashram arrived safely, while the one intended for his family never reached them.

When he returned to India in 1947, Nambiar learned that Bhagavan had listened to his recording several times in the hall with the devotees. The thin vinyl disc tended to slip while playing, distorting the sound, and Bhagavan himself suggested fastening it to a heavier record to keep it steady. He also identified for those present the different sources from which the four verses had been taken.

Return to India

Nambiar’s official assignment in America had originally been due to end in October 1946, but just as the delegation was preparing to return home, Nambiar received instructions to remain abroad and undertake another assignment. Following the collapse of a building in Madras, deficiencies had been discovered in the city’s municipal building regulations. He was therefore asked to study the building codes of American and British cities and help prepare a modern code for Madras.

The work involved extensive travel in America and England, meetings with officials and attendance at conferences. Travelling alone was not always easy, particularly in places where racial prejudice remained strong. Yet throughout this period Nambiar felt that Bhagavan was with him, guiding and protecting him. He finally returned to India towards the end of February 1947.

His first desire after being reunited with his family was, naturally, to go to Tiruvannamalai and see Bhagavan:

Before leaving New York I had purchased a cine camera and some spools of 8 mm colour film and I wanted to make a small movie picture at the Ashram. After obtaining necessary permission from Sarvadhikari and Bhagavan I took a number of shots of Bhagavan moving about through the Ashram premises, dining hall, ‘goshala’, etc. Bhagavan asked me to take a picture of the white peacock moving about in the hall and outside. The peacock was the one brought by the Maharani of Baroda and it was said to be Bhagavan’s attendant, Madhavan, reborn after his demise in July 1946. Also included in the film was Bhagavan’s favourite cow Lakshmi being caressed by him, as well as myself and my wife kneeling at his feet. I made sure that my forehead was touching his feet while he was standing in the ashram compound in the company of a large number of devotees, including Sri Niranjanananda Swami and his family members. The spool was completed with some shots of the Ashram Garden and portraits of Chadwick and Dr. Sayeed, and the holy hill of Arunachala.

During the years 1947–50, Nambiar visited the Ashram frequently and became involved in the design and construction of the hall adjoining the Matrubhutesvara Shrine. Sri Vaidyanatha Sthapati, who supervised the stonework and sculpture, kept closely in touch with Nambiar. Bhagavan himself followed the progress of construction and occasionally questioned Nambiar about structural details.

The Yogasana

Aurobindo Bose had arranged for a black granite couch to be made for Bhagavan. It occurred to Nambiar that he could provide the mattress and backrest cushion:

Immediately on my return to Madras I contacted the T. V. S. people and requested them to arrange for preparing the cushion in their upholstery department with the best materials available. When they were completed, I arranged to carry them to Tiruvannamalai. The cushions were made with plush cloth, smooth and shiny like velvet, and they had particularly asked me not to bend the mattresses or attempt to roll them up for transporting to Tiruvannamalai. I had therefore to carry them on the roof of my car. On arrival at the Ashram, when I went and sat before Bhagavan, he mentioned to me that it looked as if I had carried them on my head, though he had no occasion to see the way I carried it on the car. “Thalayil vechukondu varunna mathiriyundu” was what he said. It gave me a pleasant thrill. During one of the subsequent visits when I asked Bhagavan whether he was using the cushion, he replied that he would sit on the new couch at a muhurtham to be fixed for it. Accordingly, he started sitting on the cushion, but when the hot weather came the yogasana and the plush cushions were too warm and Bhagavan restarted using the usual sofa and cushions.

During these years Nambiar acted as an Ashram agent in Madras, obtaining construction materials, paper and other supplies. Bhagavan seemed fully aware of these activities. He would ask why certain materials had been ordered and listen patiently while Nambiar explained their purpose.

Bhagavan showed the same interest in Nambiar’s official career:

Just when I was promoted from the Corporation Engineer’s level to be the Chairman of the City Improvement Trust, Bhagavan asked me what sort of work I would be engaged in, in the new job. I gave him the details which he listened to patiently. Likewise, after a year and a half when I was recalled to P. W. D. Highways Department as Superintending Engineer with the object of making me the Chief Engineer, on the retirement of the then European incumbent, Bhagavan questioned me and also asked me whether I would not be a loser in my emoluments. I replied that there could not be any reduction as per rules. What Bhagavan said was “sambalam kurayumallo”. But despite all rules, I suffered a reduction in my salary for a year and a half, till I was promoted as Chief Engineer.” Bhagavan also used to enquire about my sister Madhavi Amma, who was then in the Ashram with her husband Dr. P. C. Nambiar.

A Direct Route to the Heart

Bhagavan also guided Nambiar whenever doubts arose in his spiritual practice.

At one time Nambiar became uncertain about the proper locus for meditation. Ashram publications spoke of the Heart on the right side of the chest, but books on yoga described concentration on such centres as the muladhara, the tip of the nose or the point between the eyebrows. He had also read of TotapuriMaharaj directing Sri Ramakrishna’s attention to the space between the eyebrows.

One day, finding Bhagavan alone in the Hall, Nambiar put his doubt before him:

I went and prostrated before him and asked the question. Instead of giving me a straight reply he got down from the sofa and going to the rotating shelf nearby, took out a copy of Ramana Gita and opened it right on the page and read out the sloka 4, Chapter V: “If the Heart be located in anahatachakra how does the practice of Yoga begin in muladhara?” He asked me when the heart centre was there, why not go directly to its instead of going through some other centres? He also asked me in Malayalam: “To come to Tiruvannamalai from Madras why should you go to Banares first and then come down all the way, or why go to Ramesvaram and come up here. Why not come straight?” The instructions were quite clear. But I felt distressed over the fact that Bhagavan had to point out to me chapter and verse from Ramana Gita to dispel my doubt when Hridaya Vidya had been fully detailed in Chapter V. Bhagavan had written out the whole of Ramana Gita in his own handwriting and given me a copy with his blessings and I hadn’t yet found time to study it in detail and follow the instructions therein.

Bhagavan’s Solicitude

For nearly twenty years Nambiar had suffered from a persistent patch of eczema on his ankle. One day Nambiar’s sister mentioned it to Bhagavan. He simply said, “It will go by itself.” After some time it disappeared.

On another occasion Chinnaswami had kept Nambiar occupied with Ashram work all morning, leaving him almost no opportunity to sit with Bhagavan. After lunch the hall was closed while Bhagavan rested, so Nambiar sat outside on the steps and meditated:

I was sitting at the corner of the steps where, even if the door had been open, Bhagavan could not have seen me. Sometime later, one of the attendants went inside, when Bhagavan mentioned to him that I had been sitting outside on the step and asked him to call me in to sit inside the hall. When I went in, Bhagavan was reclining on the coach inside a mosquito net. He signalled me to sit nearby. I closed my eyes and restarted the meditation, when the attendant brought a glass of orange juice and half a dozen tender palmyra fruits (nongus) for Bhagavan.

On instructions from Bhagavan, the attendant passed on two nongus to me. I had not taken a nongu like that before. Only the tip of the nongu was cleaned by removing the fibre and exposing three eyes like holes. I did not know how to strip it and get at the succulent flesh inside. Bhagavan, who was watching my discomfort showed me how by pressing with the thumb at one of the eyes, the pulp would pop up at another one where it could be sucked into the mouth. I followed this method and enjoyed eating both the nongus. Meanwhile Bhagavan drank part of the orange juice and gave me the rest to drink. That was his ‘samadrishti’ and kindness to devotees.

Bhagavan’s Illness

Towards the end of 1948, a small growth appeared behind Bhagavan’s left elbow. It was removed on 9th February 1949, but soon returned. In March, shortly after the Mahakumbhabhishekam of the Matrubhutesvara Temple, a second operation was performed. The growth was diagnosed as sarcoma.

The temple consecration took place from 14th-17th March. On the final day Bhagavan, already physically weak, wished to witness the abhishekam of the temple tower. Nambiar had the privilege of helping him rise from the couch and walk into the garden. With his arm around Bhagavan’s waist, he supported Bhagavan until he was seated in a manner suitable for viewing the ceremony.

That evening elaborate worship of the newly installed Meru Chakra continued beyond the expected hour. The temporary dining hall was already packed with devotees waiting for Bhagavan before the meal could begin. Chinnaswami asked Nambiar to persuade Bhagavan to leave the ritual and go for dinner, which, of course, Bhagavan declined.

As 1949 progressed, Bhagavan’s condition worsened. A third operation was performed in August. Although the wound initially healed, the growth soon returned higher on the arm.

One day, while Nambiar was engaged in work elsewhere in the Ashram, Bhagavan’s bandage was being changed. When the malignant growth was exposed, Bhagavan said, “Let Nambiar come and see it.”

Nambiar hurried to the hall:

I was asked to hold Bhagavan’s left outstretched arm. I held his palm in my right hand. Moosa was removing the bandage and cleaning the wound. He spoke in Malayalam, some of which I translated, though I was sure Bhagavan could make out every word of it. My translation of the conversation was more useful to Moosa and others standing nearby. When I was holding Bhagavan’s hand, he bestowed a look of Grace on me and I also felt a gentle squeeze of my palm, while holding his fingers, which sent a thrill all over my body. I was previously nursing a remorse for having unknowingly given some pain to Bhagavan’s body. I had been massaging his legs when he was lying down with his body covered with a white sheet of cloth. Unknowingly, I pressed a tender part of the foot where some drip needle had punctured the skin. Bhagavan’s leg jerked indicating that I had inflicted pain on the body. I felt very sorry for having inadvertently caused him pain. This remorse lingered in me all these days, but when I felt the gentle squeeze from Bhagavan’s hand, it disappeared once and for all.

Let All This Subside

During the final stage of Bhagavan’s illness, Nambiar once mentioned to him a prediction in the Bhrigu Nadi suggesting that he might prolong his life through yogic powers. Nambiar’s sister, Madhavi Amma had likewise written asking Bhagavan to cure himself for the sake of his devotees.

Bhagavan smiled. He remembered the reading and said he would like to see it again. Beyond that, he remained silent.

On 12th April 1950, two days before Bhagavan’s Mahasamadhi, Nambiar was at the Ashram. He had built a new house in Gandhinagar, Madras, and the house-entering ceremony was fixed for the following day, Tamil New Year. He wished to receive Bhagavan’s blessings before returning.

That day Bhagavan declined his usual medicine. Sri Niranjanananda Swami asked Nambiar to see whether he could persuade Bhagavan to take it.

Bhagavan lay reclining with his eyes half closed, occasionally troubled by hiccups. Nambiar raised the cup to his lips. Bhagavan made an effort to open his mouth, and some of the medicine flowed down the side of his face.

In a faint voice Bhagavan said in Malayalam:

Etellam adangatte—“Let all this subside.”

Those were the last words Bhagavan spoke to Nambiar. Nambiar never made out whether Bhagavan meant simply, “Let these hiccups subside,” or whether the words carried a deeper meaning: let all this—the body, the breath, the pranas themselves—come to rest.

Nambiar returned to Madras that afternoon.

Mahasamadhi

On 13th April, a letter arrived from Sri Niranjanananda Swami conveying Bhagavan’s blessings for Nambiar’s house-entering ceremony.

The following evening, 14th April, Nambiar and his wife hung a large photograph of Bhagavan seated in padmasana in the drawing room of their new home. At about 8.45 that night, after dinner, they were standing in the courtyard with their children.

Nambiar’s younger son suddenly pointed towards the sky: “Papa, look! What is that? A big star?”

They saw an extraordinarily bright object moving across the heavens. It travelled too slowly to be a shooting star and too rapidly to be an aircraft.

Nambiar’s intuition was to attribute it to Bhagavan.

“It is Bhagavan passing away,” he exclaimed, and began reciting one of the Sanskrit verses he had recorded for Bhagavan years earlier in Chicago. They watched the luminous object move across the sky until it disappeared towards the eastern horizon. The time was approximately 8.47 pm.

Nambiar told his wife that he should leave immediately for Tiruvannamalai. Soon afterwards a telephone message confirmed that Bhagavan had passed away.

Nambiar packed some clothes and set out around midnight, driving through the night. He reached the Ashram in the early morning.

The Site of the Samadhi

At the Ashram gate Nambiar was met by Sri Thoppiah Mudaliar. Mudaliar told him that they had been waiting for his arrival because a dispute had arisen concerning the exact location of Bhagavan’s Samadhi.

Years earlier, while the Matrubhutesvara Shrine and adjoining hall were under construction, the working assumption had been that Bhagavan’s eventual samadhi would be placed beside the Mother’s Shrine, so that devotees could worship both at once. Nambiar had even made certain structural provisions for such an arrangement.

But something had happened shortly before Bhagavan’s passing which had disturbed his confidence in that plan.

On 2nd April 1950, Nambiar had a vivid dream:

In the dream, Bhagavan was lying on the bed in the room now known as Nirvana Room with its doors partially open, speaking to Niranjanananda Swami and Venkattoo standing in front with their backs towards me. Bhagavan could see me standing outside the room at some distance. He told them, “Nambiar is waiting outside; call him in.” On my entering the room Bhagavan got down from the bed and leaning on a walking stick, walked outside followed by three of us. He took us to the side of the Pali Tirtham to a spot parallel to the Mathrubhutesvara Shrine and drew a rectangle on the ground with his walking stick, as though to indicate the place of his Mahasamadhi. The dream ended. The message was very clear to me. I noted it down with a sketch in a notebook as usual. I hurried to the Ashram and mentioned the details of the dream to Sri Omandur Ramaswami Reddiar who was standing outside Bhagavan’s Nirvana Room and explained how the site indicated in the dream conflicted with our earlier plans. He suggested that I should discuss the matter with Sarvadhikari. The latter simply pooh poohed the idea and said “You please go and keep these dreams and visions to yourself. Don’t create complications, we have enough problems already.” I spoke also to Sri T. K. Duraiswami Iyer and some others and left the matter there, thinking that we could face the issue when it arose.

But on the night of Bhagavan’s Mahasamadhi, townspeople and devotees strongly objected to placing Bhagavan’s shrine in a subsidiary position beside the Mother’s Temple. Bhagavan, they insisted, must have a shrine and hall at least equal in dignity and dimensions to that of the Mother.

The place they demanded was precisely the place indicated in Nambiar’s dream. After considerable argument, Chinnaswami finally yielded.

When Nambiar arrived the following morning, excavation had already begun. He checked the dimensions carefully and shifted the centre slightly northward so that the new shrine could have the same interior width as the Matrubhutesvara Shrine. Space permitted nothing larger.

Throughout the day Nambiar remained occupied with preparations for the interment. A central pit was prepared, together with the substances traditionally placed within a samadhi. Amid continuous chanting, Bhagavan’s body, seated in padmasana, was lowered into the place that had been prepared.

The rectangle Bhagavan had traced with his walking stick in Nambiar’s dream had become his earthly resting place.

Bhagavan’s Continuing Presence

Nambiar’s association with Ramanasramam did not end with Bhagavan’s physical departure. On the contrary, his participation in its affairs continued without interruption.

For Nambiar, Bhagavan’s physical absence never constituted a real separation. The same presence that seemed to guide him during his years abroad, that watched over his professional and family life, corrected his spiritual doubts, accepted his service and drew him again and again to Tiruvannamalai, did not disappear on 14th April 1950.

Bhagavan continued to make his presence felt—in dreams, intuitions, unexpected guidance and innumerable incidents that Nambiar felt could not easily be explained in ordinary terms.

Looking back, the outward events of those years seemed almost secondary: journeys across continents, engineering work, temple construction, photographs and films, illnesses and medical treatments. What gave them meaning was the unseen thread running through them all—the conviction, repeatedly confirmed in Nambiar’s experience, that Bhagavan’s grace was quietly arranging circumstances and drawing devotees inward.

Even while Bhagavan lived in the body, his teaching had always pointed beyond the body. Bhagavan’s illness made this especially clear. While those around him struggled desperately to save his physical form, he remained the detached witness, allowing events to proceed without identifying himself with the suffering body.

His final words to Nambiar—“Let all this subside”—therefore remained deeply significant to him. Whether Bhagavan referred merely to his hiccups or to the final subsiding of bodily life, the words seemed in retrospect to express his entire teaching: that all movements ultimately return to the stillness from which they arise.

The body disappeared, but the Guru, the Self,  did not.  —

(series concluded)

[Editor’s note: This series is taken from the Sri Ramanasramam publication of Nambiar’s account of his life with Bhagavan, entitled, The Guiding Presence of Sri Ramana.]